As a refresher, Ryan, you told me to replace the lines for my bus/caltrain ad and the billboard with a more competitive tone. The ambient to keep was “All the other teams are going down.” (posted with the flush mechanism at urinals)
I didn’t have a tag last last week but I considered adding one now to further play up my lines. I’d really like to add: “Opponents Welcome.” It works well to 99.9% of my lines below.
The Old Lines:
Caltrain ad → This season, we go for the kill.
Billboard → This season, hungry sharks write history.
The New Lines:
Their pride isn’t the only thing we’ll be hurting.
We’ll show you face-off alright.
They won’t even see what bit them.
We’re hungrier than ever.
Hungry Sharks don’t play well with others.
Predator’s don’t play well others.
There’s only enough room for one winner.
Too bad there is only one Stanley Cup.
Optimistic challengers are just cute.
Hopeful challengers are cute.
Revenge is sweet.
Payback can be sweet.
Revenge is such sweet sorrow.
We’ve got a few scores to settle.
Winning isn’t everything – to the losers.
Only losers say winning isn’t everything.
I have so much more but these are my faves here.
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In my opinion, your second batch of lines are not as strong as your 'All the other teams are going down.'
ReplyDeleteYour tone on that one sounds cocky. The 2nd batch sounds bland and your going in the 'cutesy' direction.
I'd also loose the tagline. Your headline is strong enough to stabilize the idea.
Nice try. I'd play with it some more.
okay. Ill post more.
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